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August 3, 2015 / bloggenstatt

Dope or Nope for the week of Aug. 2.

Spotify’s U.S. Top 50 Chart has had some turnover, so, this week,  I’m appraising its quality. I’m going to ignore songs I’ve either disparaged or heaped in lukewarm praise, so there will be some number jumping.

1. ‘Drag Me Down” by One Direction

All of the stand beside me lyrics are pretty clearly a jab at departed member Zayn Malick. I’m disappointed with myself for taking the bait and making that the first thing I mentioned when writing about this completely innocuous song, which will do a great job of filling airtime with some of the blandest, vanilla noise imaginable. I can’t imagine possibly harboring a strong opinion about this song, and that makes me irrationally angry.


3.”679(feat. Remy Boyz)” by Fetty Wap and Remy Boyz

Fetty Wap’s tuneless caterwauling was mildly amusing on “Trap Queen”, and that song at least seemed determined to wedge it’s mediocre hook into your head. It tried so hard to be something likable that it almost succeeded. This time, there is no urgency to the distressed-animal bleating, which at least takes attention away from the song’s lazy D.J. Mustard pastiche beat. Really this song might not possess a single redeeming quality.


5. “Lean On (feat. MØ)” by Major Lazor and D.J. Snake

This song has been everywhere, so I’m surprised to just be writing about it now.

I am so sick of D.J. Snake’s signature choppy, modulated voice sound. I’ll give him credit for picking different vowel sounds and pitches, but by exhaling and flexing a random vocal chord, you’re likely to hit on something that approximates one of his beats. That said, this isn’t a particularly bad song. MØ does a great job of being the token human element in a robotic pop song, and although the most interesting projects released under the Major Lazer moniker came out last decade, it’d be incorrect to call “Lean On” boring or outright bad. I’d halfheartedly endorse this song to anyone who has somehow avoided it.


6. “The Hills” by The Weeknd

After being an indie media darling for years, I’m glad The Weeknd is enjoying some mainstream success. However, his brooding brand of mid-tempo R&B just does absolutely nothing for me. Much like in 2007, all the cool teens will be in to “The Hills” and I won’t get the hype.


7. “Good For You” by Selena Gomez, A$AP Rocky

If The Weeknd was a lady, this is the exact song he’d release. It’s an atmospheric, sort-of-slow jam with a chorus that is pleasant enough without ever actually being catchy.


9. “Where Are Ü Now?” by Jack Ü, Skrillex, Diplo and Justin Bieber

The woodwind noise on this song is actually kind of cool. This song is completely interchangeable with “Lean On” right down to the difficult-to-type menagerie of featured performers. If you like your laid-back summer jams to sound capable of summoning Pan, go with this instead of “Lean On”.


10. “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” by Silento

“STANK! STANK!”–Silento


13.”Cool for the Summer” by Demi Lovato

“Cool for the Summer” is an odious ode to lipstick lesbianism with a riff ripped off from Ratatat. In other words, I’m sure next week, this song will be in the Top 10. The most perplexing thing about this song is not that Lovato and her secret lady friend must apparently hide their casual, summer fling from disapproving parents, in a country where same-sex marriage was recently legalized. Rather, the most perplexing element of “Cool for the Summer” is that two woman engage in a temporary bout of exploration would, “Die for each other”. There’s a reason fatal self=sacrifice is not referenced in “Summer Loving”,

Philosophical problems aside, the cool guitar bursts are really the best part of the song, and they’re brief and truncated. Still, if this were a Charli XCX b-side, I have to admit, I’d probably stand behind it.


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